Talk about my dreams, voices and childhood. Part I
10.12.00 9:05-9:43PM
...prior to this was school talk...
LoRdMaX G:
btw, i bit myself today
aristaqis:
yeah that's true
aristaqis:
why?
LoRdMaX G:
i have no idea
LoRdMaX G:
i just did it
aristaqis:
lol when?
LoRdMaX G:
like a half hour ago
LoRdMaX G:
good thing i was wearing my trusty sweatshirt
aristaqis:
lol
LoRdMaX G:
but i just ripped at it... it felt weird... and my head felt weird afterwards...
aristaqis:
that is messed up
LoRdMaX G:
yes it is
LoRdMaX G:
hehe read my conversation with self on my webpage on the foo foo page... that
was interesting... i think i'm gonna write that more often now...
LoRdMaX G:
i wrote that one over last weekend i think, it was an actual conversation, i
talk with whatever's inside me (i know there's something) quite often when i'm
alone, and i thought it'd be interesting to write it down...
aristaqis:
weird man
LoRdMaX G:
yeah i guess
LoRdMaX G:
but that's just me...
LoRdMaX G:
the scary thing is that it tells me to do stuff sometimes...
LoRdMaX G:
and it says if i do something will happen that's good, or if i don't something
bad will happen...
LoRdMaX G:
sometimes i do what it says and sometimes i don't... it's never really too bad...
i mean it can range from eat this thing really fast to jump up and down 3 times
right now for no reason to come up to that person and say something to them...
it's just weird i guess...
LoRdMaX G:
i've had this relationship since i was a kid though
aristaqis:
that is very . . . i'm at a loss for words
LoRdMaX G:
well back then i had like 3 "voices"... one of them died, if i remember correctly,
because i killed him somehow and the other two were there up untill like this
summer... and now they're gone, but there's this one thing inside of me...
LoRdMaX G:
i'm not bullshitting any of this btw, i'm serious, in case you're wondering...
although it prolly sounds like a bunch of bs, but then it's me talking hehe
aristaqis:
lol
LoRdMaX G:
when i was young i used to think i was the messiah or something along those
lines, that i was actually more than just a human... and i had all these theories
as to why...
aristaqis:
like what?
LoRdMaX G:
like that i'd sometimes dream in exact detail of these places... and it'd be
like a series of dreams
LoRdMaX G:
a continuation, as though i wasn't dreaming
LoRdMaX G:
but living in two parell world
LoRdMaX G:
worlds
LoRdMaX G:
and that went on for a LONG time...i guess until i was 9-10 maybe
LoRdMaX G:
and sometimes i thought that i saw the people who i dreamed of in real life...
that always threaked me out...
LoRdMaX G:
but they were sorta like spectors... not really there i guess, except one time
my freind was there with me when i saw one and he described her (it was a woman)
with the characteristic that i saw her as
LoRdMaX G:
but i never told him of her
LoRdMaX G:
and she wasn't someone from a cartoon or anything
aristaqis:
lol
LoRdMaX G:
so he couldn't really have been just playing along
LoRdMaX G:
that's one thing i can't understand...
LoRdMaX G:
no man i'm serious this is all real experiences
LoRdMaX G:
when I was really young i used to dream about death a lot... i used to dream
that i was in this house that had legs... chicken legs and would run around
sort of, and when it did the inside would wobble as hell.. but then it'd settle
down
LoRdMaX G:
inside that house was a surgical table, well it was just a table covered with
a whtie sheet
LoRdMaX G:
and i was lying on it
LoRdMaX G:
and some weird thing, like a really wrinkled, almost inorganic corpse of a woman,
LoRdMaX G:
would come up to the table and take out various things and start "operating"
on me...
LoRdMaX G:
and sometimes i'd see it in 3rd person, that's how i now am sure that it was
a dream...
LoRdMaX G:
but for a 4-5 year old that's some scary shit though
aristaqis:
damn that's scaring me and i'm 16!
LoRdMaX G:
yeah well maybe that's why i'm so fucked up now
LoRdMaX G:
or at least a part of the reason...
aristaqis:
lol that's true
LoRdMaX G:
my parents calmed me down by telling me that there was a drug that would make
you live forether and i actually bought that for a while... but sometimes i'd
just go insane thinking that i'd die soon
LoRdMaX G:
and i'd just not go to sleep...
LoRdMaX G:
but then when i dreamt of that other world, it was a good world really
LoRdMaX G:
and i wanted to go there
LoRdMaX G:
but i was told that the only way to really go there would be to die...
LoRdMaX G:
i was told that when i die i'd go there and be happy...
LoRdMaX G:
i remember there was this one interesting thing there... it's pretty hillarious
i guess... there was this booth/room type thing where you could go and sort
of bring to the place any girl/guy from earth and screw them or do whatever
you wanted with them, but then you'd give them anything they wanted in excange
for their "service" and they'd go back to earth and live good lives...
LoRdMaX G:
man i guess i was quite the little perver too... on the other hand i wasn't
even sexually developed then, i was only 8 i think... so that's another thing-
i mean at that point i didn't even really know what the hell sex was... so how
the hell could i imagine that?
aristaqis:
that is weird ass stuff man and as much as i would love
to hear this i gtg, i'm starving, i'll bbl
LoRdMaX G:
k
aristaqis signed off at 9:33:33 PM.
aristaqis signed on at 9:41:21 PM.
LoRdMaX G:
hey would u mind if i posted this conversation on my page? i just think it'd
be a good insight into my mind, and i've never told anyone about this before...
LoRdMaX G:
i can change your name and stuff...
aristaqis:
yeah sure
LoRdMaX G:
but this is about as personal as it gets
aristaqis:
go ahead, it's your words you can do as you please
... here ends part I of this conversation...